


Nobody Dies At The End

by lazulisong



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), animal crossing: new leaf - Fandom, どうぶつの森 | Animal Crossing Series
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Fusion, Gen, M/M, Originally Posted Elsewhere, it seemed like a good idea at the time, repost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-20
Updated: 2014-07-20
Packaged: 2018-02-09 15:27:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1988079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lazulisong/pseuds/lazulisong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pike wants to stay in the city and recover there while Number One takes their ship out on her next voyage. Number One completely agrees with him, so of course he finds himself on a train to Enterprise Village, where her friend Isabelle says they can find a quiet place for him to recover. </p>
<p>Things get worse from there, of course.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nobody Dies At The End

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CanneDeBonbon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CanneDeBonbon/gifts).



> Last year Candy let me write a story for her Kirk/Spock doujinshi! I WAS REALLY HAPPY except then I realized I wanted to write a fusion with New Leaf and the entire point of New Leaf is that there's no real drama or plot. You just .... do things. Shhhh I played obsessively for like seven months anyway and then I was like, stop guilting me about not showing up every day! YOU'RE NOT MY BOSS, ISABELLE, and that was that. 
> 
> ANYWAY she has kindly agreed to let me repost it for the ~~rubbernecking horror~~ delectation of everybody who was unfortunate enough to not be able to get their grasping paws on that doujinshi (it was great BTW, my evil plan to get a free copy for the low, low price of everybody listening to me whining on twitter was a SUPER SUCCESS), so here you have it. 
> 
> Hmm looks like I sent it to her in August 2013 and it must have been published about October, for the curious.

DAY 01:

Chris put his foot down about it. He was absolutely going to stay in the city where he could have access to the best doctors and also stare moodily from his room at the tall ships sailing from the bay. Number One said she understood, and it was his choice entirely.

So he went to Enterprise Village, of course.

Chris hadn't known what to expect, because Number One, with her customary efficiency, had packed him a bag, assured him that her friend Isabelle who worked in the town hall was very nice, and waved him off at the station, doling out one dry kiss to him, and ordering him to write regularly. Chris took the kiss in the spirit it was offered -- Number One was never very demonstrative -- and the suitcase with bad grace. 

Then the cat sat across from him, and Chris realized that Number One had conveniently failed to mention a lot of things. For instance: Enterprise was an _animal village_ , which also seemed to explain a lot about Number One, if she had been raised in a village 'just like Enterprise'. The cat asked him a lot of personal and invasive questions, which Chris answered absentmindedly, mostly concerned with thinking black thoughts about Number One and wondering what sort of animals actually lived in the village. He'd heard about them, of course, but few humans ever got the chance to see one. He'd once sailed with an octopus with the unlikely name of Terra but animals didn't spend much time with humans. 

Finding out that Isabelle had decided to make him her patsy, apparently sight unseen, was somehow not a surprise. She was friends with Number One, after all. 

DAY 02:

The unicorn chasing the Scottish terrier around, cursing a blue streak and waving a hypo, was a little bit of a surprise, but Chris was too busy arguing with the raccoon to really pay attention. 

The unicorn skidded to a halt beside him, looked him up and down, and barked, "Get off that damn leg, bones!"

DAY 13:

"Excuse me, Mayor," said Spock. Spock was a very polite cat who lived by the river and was of a scientific mind. Chris gave him a beetle, in a weak moment, and since then had been the subject of a crush that would have been embarrassing if it had not been so inept. Spock reminded Chris a little of Number One, only when Number One had decided to make Chris the one person in the world she tolerated despite his stupidity, she had announced it in the middle of mess and then asked why he was so red, and Spock was more of the type to shyly offer really interesting stag beetles.

Chris hated stag beetles.

"Yes, Spock?" he said, because Spock was a nice kid -- kitten -- thing -- and Chris couldn't be rude to him.

"Did you see the new house being built?" said Spock.

"Yes," said Chris, because Tom Nook was an asshole who let people build on top of Hikaru's carefully tended hybrid flower breeding plot, and Chris had to deal with a sparrow alternately sobbing on a bear cub's shoulder and threatening to go after Nook with his katana collection. Chris was not going to figure out how Hikaru could carry a sword, because there was a point after which he _really valued_ his own sanity. Chris had to rashly promise a whole flower bed that Tom Nook could never "accidentally" allow someone to build over to him before Hikaru calmed down.

"Do you think it will be a nice quiet sort of person?" said Spock wistfully. "One with a scientific mind, perhaps?" 

"Um," said Chris, who knew that Spock had never really recovered from the arrival of a gorilla named, of all the damn things, Cupcake, and his aggravating habit of getting up at ten in the morning and running laps, and the more damning one of not caring about Spock's research. Spock got up at five am and did cat stretches that his father had taught him as a young kitten. "Well, we'll see?" 

"It's just initials on the board," said Spock. "So distinguished. 'JTK'."

Chris snorted, because the only person he knew with those initials was a chronic smart aleck and a pain only second to Number One in Chris's ass. Then he coughed awkwardly because Spock was staring at him in confused reproach. "Maybe they'll like bugs," he suggested, and Spock brightened up. 

DAY 14:

"CAPTAIN PIKE," yelled James Tiberius Pain In The Ass Kirk, waving wildly at Chris. He ran past Spock, scaring the fish away from him. "Sorry!" he added.

Chris put his head in his hands. "Jim," he sighed. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"You know this person, Mayor?" said Spock, in a way that suggested he might finally give up on his feelings for Pike and go back to science and wondering why Uhura-the-deer brought him peaches all the time. (Spock usually gave them to Bones, who loved them unreasonably. This irritated Uhura so much that she had finally started cutting out the middleman and giving them to Bones herself. That hadn't turned out exactly as she had hoped, Chris knew, because Bones was delighted to get more peaches and Spock never noticed.) 

"James Tiberius Kirk," said Jim proudly, doing a little spin. He looked at Spock and then _looked at Spock_ , in a way so obvious that even Spock looked taken aback. "I didn't know you were here, Captain!" 

If Boyce wanted to know how Chris was doing he'd come down from the city again and drink Scott's mysteriously potent 'wheat-berry' juice with Bones. And Number One scorned spies as beneath her omnipresence, so -- apparently Jim had just randomly decided to move to Enterprise Village. Huh. "I'm still recovering," said Chris, lifting up his cane as proof. "What are you doing here?"

"My friend Bones lives here!" said Jim.

Spock stiffened up, because peaches aside, Bones and Spock hated each other. They hated stupid people like Cupcake more than each other, so it hadn't yet come to open warfare, but Chris thought it was just a matter of time. 

"Great," sighed Chris. 

DAY 15:

"Look," said Mayor Chris, leaning on his shovel. "I didn't sign up for this. I wanted to recover in the city, but my first officer tricked me into coming here because she hates the city and thinks I should too, and then Isabelle at the damn town hall thought I looked like a good patsy, and I thought, what the hell, it's not a ship but at least it's something. I honestly don't care."

"You were a real keptin, wodka?" chirped Chekov.

Mayor Chris sighed. 

"That's amazing, takei!" said Hikaru. "I think it must be great to be on a real ship."

"Yes, and as soon as my leg heals I am going to desert this town like a rat on a sinking ship," said Mayor Chris.

"Can we call you Keptin?" said Chekov.

Mayor Chris shoved his hand through his hair, looked up to the sky as if praying for patience, and said, "Sure, why not."

"Thanks, Keptin!" said Hikaru.

"...Only not like that," said Mayor Chris.

 

DAY 17:

In three days Jim had managed to: run off Cupcake, infuriate Spock by casting a lure once and catching the one fish Spock had particularly wanted for a month, and to make it worse, turning and offering it to him with friendly indifference, been nearly stomped on by Uhura for his own good, discovered a violent allergy to bee venom and caused Bones to yell at him for a solid hour until everybody _but_ Jim had a headache, help Hikaru with his new flower plot, and drink Scott under the table.

The only one he hadn't won over was Spock. 

Chris could actually see where this was going and he wondered if he could convince Boyce he was perfectly recovered and ready to rejoin his ship, because Jim Kirk hated not being liked by everybody, especially handsome cats (to quote KK Slider) like Spock,and Spock had already made up his mind that he and Jim could never be friends because of whatever inscrutable feline reasoning Spock had used. 

Chris went over to Scotty's house and borrowed a gallon of "wheat-berry" juice from him. He was going to need it, he could tell already.

DAY 18:

"I just want him to smile at me," explained Jim, a little crazy around the eyes. "Why won't he smile at me?"

"Hmm," said Chris, "Still don't care about your problems, Kirk."

Jim kicked a rock sullenly. "You should be nicer to me. What if I tell One that you didn't support me and help me and she gets mad at you."

Chris allowed himself to raise one eyebrow, very slowly, a trick he'd actually picked up from Number One.

"She could!" said Jim, kicking harder at the rock. 

"Sure," said Chris. "Look... why don't you just stop bugging him for a while?"

"But I want to bug him," said Winona Kirk's son. "I want to bug him all the time."

 

DAY 23:

"He is actually very intelligent," said Spock to Chris, resentfully.

"Mmhmm," said Chris.

"I don't understand why he feels the need to be such a fool," said Spock, standing very straight. His ears flickered back as if they were trying to lay flat and he was refusing to let them.

"Mmm," said Chris. He really wanted to suggest that Spock ask Jim that, but he had been raised right and also Spock was at least 67% likely to blurt out the question at the worst possible time anyway. He hasn't met Spock's father but he's under the impression that Spock's social skills were amazing compared to Sarek's.Spock's mother was supposed to have been very kind and gracious. Boyce had met her once, and grunted she wasn't that bad afterward, so Chris assumed she must have been nearly an angel, or possessed of a really terrible sense of humor, or possibly both at once. "Why don't you just talk to him?"

"He caught a black stag beetle before I did," blurted out Spock, and Chris sighed.

DAY 30:

"Are you gonna do something about them?" said Bones, examining Chris's leg. 

"Dear God, no," said Chris, and hissed at the flex as Bones wrenched it without mercy. He was even meaner than Boyce, which was probably the only reason, come to think of it, that Boyce had allowed him to take over Chris's care. 

"Ha," said Bones, and then, "Put that god damn leg up for the rest of the day, bones."

DAY 40: 

"Oh, Mayor!" said Isabelle bringing another stack of paperwork over, "Ms Uhura has requested permission to pelt Mr Jim with rotten turnips until his hair collapses under the weight of the slime! Shall I let her know you're okay with it?"

Chris looked up from his paperwork, which was comfortingly like being in his cabin with Number One standing over him, and said, "Fine by me."

Isabelle trotted off, bells jingling. 

Five minutes later he heard Jim make a noise he hadn't heard come out of his mouth since Jim was eleven years old and just starting puberty -- Jim had been very shrill, and very embarrassed about it -- and desperate footsteps pounding past. "AUGH! Leave me alone! I'm sorry!"

Chris continued to sign paperwork.

DAY 53:

"Do you think Jim would like it if I gave him a Raja Brooke butterfly?" said Spock suddenly. "They're very rare."

Chris woke up a little, blinking at Spock. He'd been 'fishing' again, sitting on the bench by the river, and mostly falling asleep and waking up when Bones yelled at Jim in the distance. "Sure," he said, before he replays what Spock just said. "Sure -- actually. Why not?" 

Spock nodded, half to himself, and straightened his back. His tail flicked once, and then stilled. "If you will excuse me, then, Mayor," he said, and marched off toward the sputtering yelps and shrieks of Jim attempting to avoid Bones' attempt to keep him from dying of bee venom.

Chris stretched out his leg. _Dear Number One_ , he imagined writing, _Maybe I'll stay here until the ship is ready. Love, Chris_

**Author's Note:**

> Shhh, I just crossed over HoLic and Captain America, Animal Crossing and Star Trek is totally sane in comparison. Also I am still not over them killing Pike off. NEVER OVER IT. NEVER. I spent ten minutes believing that Kirk and Pike were going to have awesome, weird parent-kink adventures together while Spock had enough of a restful break to realize how much he missed having Jim around, and then they broke my heart and I'm not talking to them any more.


End file.
